Yet another satirical solution to gun violence

The Glass Half Full [An Arrowhead Column] Amidst U.S. politicians proposing new gun violence solutions, like arming teachers, there’s a fresh idea… egg hunts.


Children deserve to feel safe in school.
It is the job of our government to create legislation that protects people, not guns, yet the government seems to be incapable of solving this problem.
According to, an organization working to end gun violence, in just the first few months of 2023 alone, there were at least “42 incidents of gunfire on school grounds.”
Forty-two incidents.
Let that sink in.
Forty-two schools filled with students and staff whose lives have all been permanently altered.
Forty-two schools filled with children who were forced to learn from a young age of the horrors that exist in our world.
School shootings have grown to be so normalized that it is no longer shocking to turn on the news and hear about children being killed in a place of learning.
Just weeks ago, six were killed in a deadly school shooting in Nashville.
This is just one of many recent headlines of school shootings making the news.
Why have we accepted this as our reality as a nation?
Why do random civilians have access to automatic assault rifles, originally created for modern-day soldiers entering combat?
Why do only 20 out of the 50 states require background checks and/or permits to purchase a handgun, according to EveryTown?
Clearly, our current gun legislation is not working.
We expect our elementary school-aged children to simply call for help and cower in the corner of a classroom.
This is not a solution.
As the government has failed to effectively protect children from the growing threat of gun violence, I offer a solution.
This solution comes with a fluffy tail and a basket full of candy, the Easter Bunny.
For many, Easter comes with a number of festive traditions.
For the children, the most important of these traditions is the egg hunt.
However, these egg hunts are good for more than just collecting candy as they can be used to teach children offensive and defensive warfare tactics.
Teaching children military strategies through Easter egg hunts will combat gun violence in schools and prepare the next generation of students to fight for their safety.
Conducting reconnaissance operations of the egg hunt location prior to the event will help children to map out the best exit/entryways in their schools should an attack occur.
Learning the three components of close-quarters combat: speed, surprise and violence of action will help kids to not only beat out competition during egg hunts, but will teach children how to strike first against an intruder and use the element of surprise to make an escape.
Now, let’s be real.
I am aware that the Easter Bunny is not an actual solution as the Easter Bunny, unfortunately, is not real (sorry kids.)
I am aware that teaching children military tactics to prevent gun violence is not a viable option.
However, this does not change the fact that real change is necessary in our nation. According to Sandy Hook Promise, a nonprofit organization looking to end gun violence, every day 12 children die from gun violence in America.
It is time to change the statistics.
Gun violence and gun legislation have become such polarizing topics, but they really shouldn’t be.
No matter your political beliefs it is clear to see that our current system is not working. Gun violence and school shootings occur frequently and leave devastating consequences in their wake.
Our government needs to better regulate and control guns in the country to stop the ever-growing problem of gun violence in the nation.
Children are our future.
Children deserve to feel safe in school so they can reach their full potential and grow up to be the next generation of scientists, politicians, artists, military members, teachers, doctors and more.
We need to protect our future.
We need to act now.