“If she was me, she would be woke.”

“As a child you need a balanced diet of chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, and assorted popsicles.”

“Woke up today and the first thing on my mind was Eistein’s Theory of Telativity.”

“I am going to Fortnite dance on you if you get the question wrong.”

“The world shines a little brighter with a new Murphy.”

“I am just trying to read affirmations on Instagram Explore, and I get flashbacks to electron cloud theory.”

“It’s raining sloths and that’s all I am going to say about that.”

“The Constitution is so mid.”

“Betty White will be incarnated into Trisha Paytas’s baby.”

“I was in a freak roller skating accident over the weekend.”

Sharks must be so tired because they have to keep swimming or they drown.”

“You know…one of those Star Wars Wands.”

“Dollar Tree is not the place to evangelize.”

“The New York Times hung up on me today because they thought I was prank calling them.”

“If the groundhog dies, winter goes on forever.”

“The Wordle today was a bit political.”