Dear Punxsutawney Phil,
I hope this letter reaches you in good health and state.
How is Phillis? I trust you two have had a fine season of hibernation.
You have been in my thoughts recently.
This year you did not see your shadow and I could not be happier. This has been an exceedingly cold winter, for my crops are barren and my bones are chilled.
While many look to you for the prediction of future weather, I have heard doubts among the community and this has upset me.
Many bring up that you have an all-time record of 39% accuracy in predicting the weather. They say you are an unreliable and sporadic source of information.
This is hogwash and I will not stand for it.
Detailed weather information began to be recorded in 1850, while you have been in the weather business since 1886.
Of the 174 years of detailed weather reports, you have been the spokesman of our beloved state and our country’s weather for 138 of them. Can you name anyone who has held a longer title?
Of course not, because you are exceptional at what you do.
If the typical batting average of players in the baseball hall of fame is .303, then you, Phil, should not have to defend your title.
Another argument I hear from nonbelievers is that you are simply too old to be the same groundhog that created this legacy.
The maximum age wild groundhogs can live to is 6 years old, while the typical lifespan is between 2 and 3 years.
The problem with these allegations and haters is simple: you are no ordinary, wild groundhog.
You, sir, are Punxsutawney Phil.
They do not know that you are sustained by your supply of elixirs of life that you drink at every annual Groundhog Picnic. True fans know that this is the key to your old age.
If these naysayers could do their research, they would understand the simple facts behind your legacy.
I must admit, there is another reason I have chosen to write to you today.
I’ve heard Dunkirk Dave is making headlines in the post for potentially taking your position.
He resides in Dunkirk, NY and is believed to be the second oldest groundhog; second to you, of course.
They say he is a prodigy and may be on his way to take your job.
Do not fret, I believe this is an act of jealousy and nothing more.
You have been a staple in the weather industry for over a century, Pennsylvania’s special little guy. New York is obviously jealous of your talent and fame, attempting to recreate your legacy through imitation.
In the words of poet Oscar Wilde, “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”
Do not let these rumors and frauds get to you, they are beneath you.
I want you to know you have our support from The Arrowhead, Phil. We will never stop believing in you.
