To sound more pleasant or appear less bothersome, women in novel work or personal situations tend to use words and phrases that minimize the importance or precedence of an issue.
“Thank you so much!”
“Just checking in….”
“I was wondering if there’s any way….”
“No problem at all!!!!!”
These are just a few phrases women and girls write in almost every email to appear polite and cheerful.
Well, that doesn’t matter.
Men and others do not overthink or analyze your emails and banter.
And if you don’t use an exclamation point at the end of every sentence, it’s not a poor reflection of your character.
While there is undeniably a gender gap in the workplace perpetuated by society and long-outdated gender roles lingering on from decades ago, there is an additional internal female struggle of how we think about ourselves and our needs.
Because of female insecurity in the workplace, it is straightforward for men to see (and take advantage of) our willingness and “go-getter” attitudes.
This toxic cycle will continue to repeat itself the more women say yes and settle to do things, even if they are not in the job description.
Men are entitled, whether in a minimum wage job or a corporate position of power. Many have no problem clearly saying “No.”
Now, entitlement isn’t always a bad thing when used in a way that isn’t going to harm others.
However, women don’t have the luxury of entitlement. Instead, women tend to experience feelings of obligation and guilt.
Ladies tend to pick up an extra task (or several) at work because of the fear others will think less of them if they don’t.
Continuing to do this is harmful to our enjoyment of work, especially when we don’t stand up and tell it as it is to employers that we deserve to be recognized for our level of work, whether it’s more compensation or a higher position.
These harmful habits don’t just magically appear when a girl gets her first job, though.
They are fundamentally built from observance and expectations starting as early as middle school.
While in school, boys often tend to have no issues asking for deadline extensions when they’re feeling the workload starting to pile up.
However, girls often have more difficulty just going up to a teacher or sending them an email making the simple request because they will feel it makes them look less capable.
All of this contributes to the amount of self-doubt women and young girls feel that just adds to the long list of prejudices and adversity externally they are constantly working against.
Unfortunately, there is no immediate switch we can flip for girls to just start using a more “manly” headspace that uses language that doesn’t minimize the weight they are feeling.
But we all need to do some more self-reflection on how we can change our mindset and linguistics to sound more confident when we speak. And please girls, stop apologizing for everything.
Keep advocating for yourself and expecting others to treat you with the respect you deserve.
We can only get as much as we ask for, and too many of us don’t realize just how much we can ask for.